Lenten Devotion 02/27/2008 – Valerie Stutesman

One of the reasons I wanted to share my devotion with you this week is because of the Gospel story of Jesus healing the man born blind.  You see, my mother was born blind in one eye.  So, she is half blind. Unlike the man in the story, her sight wasn’t restored.  But, unless she shared with you that she is blind, or I told you, you wouldn’t know.  Her outward appearance doesn’t make her look blind.  My grandmother [grandparents] raised her as though she were not blind and my mother doesn’t act as if there is any problem.  My grandmother [grandparents] knew that if people knew my mother was blind that they would treat her differently and her blindness would become an obstacle. 

You all should have received something as a gift from me as you entered the sanctuary.  [Timmy] what did you receive?  [answer: a blue egg]  [Cassie] what did you receive?  [answer:  a pink egg]  [Nancy] what did you receive?  [answer:  a purple egg]   Well, they are not eggs.  The are containers; very special containers…because they are filled with love.

1 Samuel verse 7 says in part “…for the Lord does not see as mortals see; they look on outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart”.  Since we are mortal, we couldn’t see that the egg was a container filled with love. Sometimes this happens with our prayers.  Has anyone ever prayed and felt like no one was listening?  Many times we pray for an outcome and our prayers appear to go unanswered, testing our faith.  Sometimes, it makes us wonder God’s purpose for us because we don’t always see things clearly spiritually. 

From the time I was a child I have always believed that each of us is here for a reason.  I believe that God has a specific purpose or accomplishment for us to achieve.  We just don’t know that purpose.  We can guess, assume, or envision the purpose, like we guessed about the gift you just received.

Ten years ago, I was diagnosed with a bad case of pneumonia.  This was the second time I had had pneumonia.  The doctor treated me with antibiotics and confined me at home to rest and heal.  Two weeks later, I went back for a follow up and my pneumonia hadn’t changed at all.  Two more weeks later it still hadn’t changed.  In fact, it worsened.  This went on for 8 weeks.  In retrospect, I probably should have been hospitalized, but I wasn’t.  My condition continued to worsen. I remember talking to God and saying “Please God, if you are going to take me, if you are going to end my life do it already”.  I began to pray to Jesus for God to put me out of my misery, to stop my suffering.  At this point, my Mother interceded.  She got me to another doctor for a 2^nd opinion.  Before I knew it, I was referred to a respiratory specialist and then I was admitted to Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania to have my lung removed.  The pneumonia had so severely damaged the tissue of my lung that it couldn’t be saved.  And, it was unknown if further complications existed, such as cancer or a lethal virus.

Because of my prayers, I expected to be in heaven.  Instead, I was still alive here on earth.  As I spent the next few months recovering, I remember crying and praying to Jesus as I began to wonder why God didn’t want me in heaven with him.  Like the people in the story of the man born blind, I couldn’t understand I didn’t see.  I wanted an explanation.  Did I do something wrong?  What was wrong with me?  Wasn’t I worthy?   I prayed for an answer.

Not long after, my mother and I went on a cruise that stopped in Barbados.  My mother and I got off the ship to get a taxi and explore the island.  While looking for a taxi, we met two sisters who were also vacationing on the ship.  We all agreed to share a taxi for the day and tour the highlights of the island.  Then, we all headed to the beach to enjoy the beautiful weather.  We were treading water and chatting, when suddenly one of the women, I think her name was Pat got very quiet.  In the blink of an eye her eyes started rolling back.  My mother yelled “catch her” as Pat started to go under.  I caught her from going under, and then we headed to the shore where she received medical attention.   We spent the taxi ride back to the ship in shock.  I don’t know to this day if Pat had a stroke, or seizure, or what exactly happened, but the incident scared me.  Clearly she could have drowned.

In retrospect when I prayed for my life to end, God had other plans for me.  He saw things differently.  There is a country song by Garth Brooks and a line from the song goes “some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers”.  When it appeared that my prayers weren’t answered, they really had been.  Now, instead of trying to make sense why some prayers are answered when others are not, instead of trying to guess God’s egg for me, I realize that I am mortal…I see things differently.  I find that because I do, I am more receptive and see Jesus or God at work in my life.  I see now, that if I had died, I wouldn’t be a Godmother to Kelsi who turns 7 today, or switched jobs to achieve success in a career I love, or be a member of the Holy Trinity congregation serving as a confirmation guide.  Most importantly, I see that I met Jesus along the way.